Up To Date will now have a sports section, and what better way to begin than a review of the current Battlebots season. This show on Discovery Channel is a competition in which builders make bots designed to incapacitate each other in a 3-minute fight. Fights last until KO or the time expires, with a winner chosen by judges, if needed. Also, as a disclaimer, I am not dunking on anyone out of malice, spite, or anything of the sort. I have nothing but admiration for the builders and bots alike and want them all to succeed. With that said, let’s get right into it, especially considering the likely length of this entry.

  • Black Dragon

Black Dragon has a reputation of being “the second Brazilian bot” behind the mighty Minotaur, who we’ll get to later. However, this team is amazing in their own right, making the semi-finals of the 2020 Tournament. This year, however, was slightly less impressive. Out in the Round of 16 to the 31 seed? Not a great exit. However, the Black Dragon team should still feel good about their season. They still made the tournament and beat the vicious Mad Catter, and had a solid regular season, after all. Good job.

  • Blacksmith

Look, I like this bot, but this was a disappointing year for the team from New Jersey. Yes, Blacksmith is built like a brick, but it’s always had a problem dealing significant damage. Even with the upgraded weapon this year, that honestly remained the case for the most part. Yes, it beat Free Shipping, but like, Free Shipping barely has a viable weapon. Losing to Shatter and Malice was not great, either. I hope they can improve from here, though.

  • Blade

Before this season, Blade (AKA ORBY Blade) was hyped up to be another Tombstone. Sure, Tombstone is slowly turning into a fossil, but that wouldn’t matter with a newer design, surely. About that. The only win Blade had this season was against Dragon Slayer, another rookie. It lost to Skorpios and Lucky, and yes, that is the same Lucky that never did anything noteworthy before taking out Blade’s aluminum spinner bar. The confidence from that, and an amazing new driver, likely helped vault Lucky into the Round of 32, whereas Blade had a double-edged season at best.

  • Blip

This robot may be adorable-looking with its anime-esque eyes painted on and all, but this thing is flippin’ fantastic. Using innovative flywheel technology to launch the opponent upward, this bot made it to the quarterfinals in its rookie year. Again, it lost to a certain 31 seed, but 5 wins up to that point is incredible, let alone for a rookie. Just an awesome bot that I hope improves more in the future.

  • Bloodsport

Last year, this bot was the number 2 overall seed. This year, it was number 17. Make no mistake, this robot is better in the regular season than in the playoffs, and this year proved that in spades. Well, maybe that’s a bit harsh considering this bot’s luck with the Selection Committee. Like, it got matched up against Minotaur this year in the tournament and got owned by the “Brazilian Bull.” This bot has potential if it can get a good postseason matchup, but that’s a big if for a high tier bot.

  • Captain Shrederator

Congratulations are in order for this bot and its team. Just not for winning the Giant Nut, though. They finally broke through to the Round of 32 this season after years of technical difficulties. However, this bot is too one-dimensional for today’s meta. Being a full-body spinner, its weapon covers the whole body in a circular shape. While that sounds great on paper, it leaves the bot defenseless if the spinner doesn’t work. And yet, Shrederator found a way to be consistently competent this year. It got eliminated in the Round of 32, but there is no shame in that for this team. A significant improvement from an unreliable norm is always welcome.

  • Claw Viper

This team was so close to making the playoffs that it hurts. This bot may be lightning-fast as it drives, but so far, it just hasn’t done much besides that. Yes, the loss to Bloodsport was painful, but some more refinements could cause this bot to break out in the near future. If not, then this team may need to realize that speed isn’t everything.

  • Cobalt

That weapon is so brutal, it can put the loudest, heaviest death metal bands to shame. Even better, this bot didn’t get stuck on the floor (while winning a match handily) this year. As a result, it made the quarterfinals before losing to a very similar, albeit less powerful, bot in Tantrum. A very impressive season, indeed, and probably the most destructive bot this year. Seriously, watch its fight against Ghost Raptor, because that level of carnage is once-in-a-lifetime.

  • Copperhead

This is one of a few bots with a reputation for choking in the playoffs, but they mostly dispelled that narrative this year. Last year, this thing was the 3rd overall seed in the tournament, and it lost to the #30 seed, Mammoth. This year thankfully went a bit better, despite a slightly lower seeding. It lost to Witch Doctor in the Round of 16, but there’s never any shame in losing to Witch Doctor, especially when it’s firing on all cylinders. A much needed improvement in the playoffs was in the cards for this snake-bit team, and I hope they go up from here.

  • Deadlift

Deadlift was dead on arrival this season. Last year, this bot was OK, winning 2 out of 5 fights including the Bounty Hunters fights, but this year was horrible for this team. 0-2 is not good, and given the chaos of filming the show this year, this bot didn’t even get a third fight, a fate that befell many others. Also, in those two fights, it wasn’t impressive. It’s supposed to be a grappler, but the grappling arm is shaped like a gym bro’s flexed biceps. Fitting for a team who hits the gym more than anything else. These guys are certainly strong, but this bot needs some TLC before it can claim the same.

  • Deep Six

Deep Six was almost good this year, but then the season began. An 80-pound vertical bar sounds promising as a weapon, but the only KO it got this year was on Pain Train. I almost forgot that bot existed this past offseason. Other than that, it got stuck on the floor against SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (Actual name), and then got matched against Minotaur, who promptly ended their season. This bot has potential, but better driving is paramount for its success. At least I can thank the captain, a Navy diver, for his service.

  • Defender

Whiplash is a bot that was led by two brothers. However, the second brother wanted his own team this year, so he built this thing. It’s a control bot that is designed to move the other bot around rather than do straight damage, and it did well enough to force the creation of play-ins for the Round of 32. It lost its play-in match to Hydra, and probably dragged Whiplash’s season down back to Earth from its previous finals berth, but it’s not a bad bot at all. It’s good at what it does, but Whiplash was better at that and does some damage when it has its spinner. Just saying.

  • Dragon Slayer

A rookie bot built on a exceedingly tight budget? Sounds like Jackpot all over again, but not as destructive or good. It really is that simple. But it did beat a former fan favorite that happens to be next on this list.

  • DUCK!

This bot was ducking (pun intended) horrible this season. Simply put, DUCK! has always been built to take massive hits with almost no damage and outlast its opponents that way. It’s a troll bot, but it was once really good at what it did. After a redesign to have an actual lifter, though, it ended up being a quack of all trades. Ducks may fly south for the winter, but even that went way south for the bot this season, and it is now forced into retirement. A ducking bummer, I’d say.

  • End Game

This bot is from New Zealand, and it is made by the first international team to win the Giant Nut in Battlebots history. It was a champion, and it looked like it would repeat this year due to a dominant regular season. That is, until it lost to Minotaur in the Round of 16. You see, End Game has wedge-like forks on its front meant to feed bots into that powerful vertical disk. These forks are part of the ground game that makes up a significant part of fights now. This means that a lot of the strategies in the sport revolve around getting under opponents and having their way from there. Minotaur completely flies in the face of this, and End Game found this out years ago. Yet they didn’t change strategies, and Minotaur destroyed them. The defending champion got cocky, and paid a major price. Lesson learned, hopefully.

  • Free Shipping

This bot is weird because it’s always so middling, and this year that caught up with them. An 0-3 season is disastrous for any experienced team, and this was no different. Its lifter was a non-factor, but the flamethrower was at least entertaining to see. This is despite everyone this bot faced beating it easily. It’s not a bad bot or anything, but it’s a control bot that needs some updating, to say the least.

  • Fusion

This bot, on the other hand, doesn’t have fire as a weapon, but as a way to lose half of its fights. Even Jimi Hendrix wouldn’t stand next to this fire, even if he was still alive. This is a bot on the brink, likely becoming defined for its tendency to self-immolate more often than not. Next season will be make or break for this team. I hope they don’t burn out any further than they already have.

  • Ghost Raptor

Props for good sportsmanship? It may not win this team any fights, but this bot isn’t going far anyway. They haven’t done anything notable since Season 1’s placement in the semifinals. That was over 6 years ago, and this bot has gotten even frailer over time. Calling it a glass cannon is generous because it has no power in the weapon and even glass is more durable than this thing. In fact, I’d argue that this bot is as tough and durable as a roll of wet toilet paper these days. It’s getting retired now, and I hope the team makes a more durable successor to keep up with even some of the meta. Ghost Raptor has gone the way of Velociraptor, but I hope something new comes from this team. I hope even more that it’s a good design.

  • Gigabyte

This bot was a surprise contender last year, having one of the best records of any bot that year if Bounty Hunters fights are included. Unfortunately, their driver from that season now controls Cobalt, and the arena itself has become less conducive to this bot. The new Upper Deck gives it less room to spin up its full body shell, so now it’s much more vulnerable. That’s what happened this year, as it made the playoffs, but made some baffling decisions to try and improve a bad matchup. It lost in the Round of 32 to Tantrum, likely thanks to the baffling decision to add a static wedge attached to the bot by basically nothing. It’s been a hard fall for Gigabyte this year, but it will probably adjust.

Whether it does so well enough to compete is another question entirely.

  • Glitch

An impressive regular season was in the cards for this rookie, going 3-0 and beating even the mighty Hydra. It got the number 9 seed in the tournament, preparing to face Witch Doctor. And then it promptly had to forfeit before the Round of 32 due to technical glitches (no pun intended). Well, this sucks. I hope to high Heaven that this wasn’t beginner’s luck.

  • Gruff

Gruff may have the hottest flamethrower in the competition, but this season wasn’t quite as blazing. Going 1-2 and missing the tournament after barely making it the year prior is a troubling trend, to say the least. Here’s hoping that this bot doesn’t go up in its own smoke.

  • HiJinx

This bot’s fine and all, but getting utterly demolished by SawBlaze is probably not good for next season’s confidence. No shame, though, because they beat two other bots to even face SawBlaze in the Round of 32. After all, those two bots were Kraken and SubZero, who aren’t bad bots. They just had unimpressive seasons. Still, I want to see more hijinks from HiJinx in the future.

  • HUGE

HUGE is kind of a big deal in the Battlebots world, but the past couple of seasons have seen it start to slip. Its name comes from its oversized wheels allowing its vertical bar to do surprising damage, which is just another way of saying that this bot is large in size. It is also quite lanky to get it to meet the weight limit, though, and if you even dent those plastic wheels, its mobility is greatly reduced. It still made the tournament, however, just because size matters in Battlebots. More so if that size is used as an anti-meta tactic like with HUGE. It lost in the Round of 32 this year, but I’m rooting for a huge improvement if possible.

  • Hydra

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was a disaster of a regular season, and a blessing of a postseason. First came technical difficulties, and then came technical brilliance. We’ll just ignore the well-hidden drive issues in the Black Dragon match. Hydra’s builder may be the “official” new bad boy of Battlebots, but this bot is flipping amazing when it works. When it doesn’t, it gets stuck in a play-in to even get in to the tournament. And yet, it made it to the semifinals. Very impressive.

  • HyperShock

On the contrary, HyperShock had its best regular season in years this season, but one big thing went wrong in its Round of 32 match. It had no way to self-right against a flipper robot. This is the Battlebots equivalent of the Jaguars defeating the Colts and sabotaging their playoff hopes. HyperShock just so happens to represent the Colts in this analogy. Its once-impressive driving is now more above-average, if anything. Its luck hasn’t gotten any better, either. This team is one more improvement away from greatness, but also one bad mistake away from obscurity. That’s how HyperShock lives, though, so I won’t fault the team that much.

  • IceWave

It feels like I’m in Rocky IV seeing this bot again. It may have been the first bot we saw back in Season 1, but man, this thing is showing its age. It’s once bot-splitting power has become decidedly pedestrian, and this bot has very little control game. Combine that with an internal combustion engine powering the horizontal spinner and an inability to right itself, and there’s a recipe for future disaster. It barely made the tournament this year, and unless we see a sudden resurgence, this bot is on a steep decline.

  • JackPot

Now’s here’s a sophomore bot still on the upswing. It had another impressive regular season, and even won a playoff match against Tombstone, a former champion. That’s all they needed to do this year, and they really didn’t do much else. They understood the assignment was to avoid a sophomore slump, and they did that. Good on them.

  • Jäger

This is one of the better multibots in recent Battlebots memory. Then again, their strongest competition in that field is Gemini, a design that was retired after Season 5. Nevertheless, I think this bot has decent potential, even if it went 0-2 this year. Its two parts have good synergy with each other, I’ll give it that. Multibots are amazing in other competitions due to rules differences and weight bonuses, but in Battlebots, they unfortunately don’t have many things going for them. The weight limit of 250 pounds must be distributed between two bots, thus lowering the power and effectiveness of each part. There’s also no weight bonus at Battlebots that makes distributing this weight easier. This bot has potential, like I said, but the current meta is just too strong and the rules too unfavorable.

  • Kraken

Speaking of bad meta matchups, Kraken is not a horrible robot, but it feels like it based off this season. It’s supposed to use crushing teeth to pierce armor and damage internals, but those teeth got chopped off a lot by opponents this season. Yes, the bot looks wonderful and is aesthetically amazing, but in battle, it has a nasty tendency to not live up to that. I hope this team will sail Battlebots’ Seven Seas once again next year, but I have a feeling things might be different than they currently are.

  • Lock-Jaw

Well, this bot had a disastrous season this year. It went 0-3 and missed the tournament, which is terrible, let alone for a usually-good bot. Either this is just a lost season or Lockjaw is going the way of Bronco. Which is to say, irrelevance and retirement. I hope this isn’t the case, but I can’t rule it out.

  • Lucky

Congratulations are in order for this team for finally having this bot live up to its name! More accurately, mainly to their new driver. This is a textbook case of good driving saving a bot. In past seasons, Lucky has been mediocre, never really doing anything. Now, it has made the Round of 32, even if Copperhead struck and got a lethal bite in. This season has finally allowed this team to claim they have a good bot, and that’s a win in my book.

  • Mad Catter

I can’t help but feel these guys are in the same place they were last year. Their captain’s WWE-level persona is hilariously entertaining, and the bot is good too. But how I worded that is exactly their problem, because people remember this bot mostly for the ham and cheese that would be a perfect fit in pro wrestling. Maybe if more builders had this kind of presence, this wouldn’t be an issue, but it has defined Mad Catter more than the actual bot. Simply put, this bot needs one deep tournament run for the persona to not grow stale, and we haven’t seen that just yet. They’ve certainly got it in them, though.

  • Malice

I can imagine the builders of this bot saying, “What if we took Tombstone and changed the one thing that once made it so fearsome?” Simply put, Malice is a slightly less powerful Tombstone, and power is all that bot has. This means that it had to make the Round of 32 via a play-in, and it lost it quite handily. This team needs a new design, one that opponents aren’t quite as prepared for.

  • Mammoth

Mammoth had a very weird season this year. It was not among the bots selected for the initial Round of 32 yet got in once Glitch had glitches. Unfortunately, it got completely shafted against Glitch’s opponent, Witch Doctor. Just a forgettable season for Mammoth.

  • Minotaur

While this bot missed out on 2020, when it probably could’ve won it all, because of COVID concerns, this team came back strong this season. It had a 2-1 regular season record and also made it to the quarterfinals. Then controversy happened in the Witch Doctor fight, where the refs counted Minotaur out, possibly prematurely. The show themselves had to clarify their rules and are now reconsidering it. What a rough ending to their season, but if they are invited back, they’ve become the best anti-ground game bot in the business. That’s worth something.

  • Overhaul

And the notes aren’t getting much lighter on this bot. This grappling bot hasn’t done anything of note since Season 1, and it didn’t even get a third qualifying fight. Even worse is that other bots have figured out what Overhaul needs to improve on before Overhaul’s team did anything. This thing has been practically unchanged for 5 years and was far from elite to begin with. The joke writes itself, because this bot needs an overhaul.

  • P1

This bot didn’t get P1 in the bracket, but it still had a breakout year. It beat Valkyrie, last year’s Most Destructive, in the regular season. It upset and upended Hypershock in the Round of 32. Good season for P1, indeed, as they go further in the rat race.

  • Pain Train

This is a bot that lives up to its name, but not in the way its team anticipated. Rather, this bot has so much potential that just doesn’t appear in the Battlebox. Its durability is highly suspect, for one thing, with shoddy armoring, among several other problems. Not much to say here except that this builder is great with small bots, but something’s lost in translation at this level. If this bot can be more durable, it’ll be decent. That’s literally all that needs to happen.

  • Pardon My French

Pardon my French, but this bot is mediocre. Yes, it has power in its weapon, but that’s pretty much it. A self-righting system will do wonders here, that’s all. Again, so much wasted potential so far.

  • Rampage

Pass.

  • Retrograde

Two weapons on a bot is not usually a winning formula (just ask Fusion). Heck, the only bot it beat was Rampage, who was so forgettable that I have neglected to say anything else on it. It’s the second bot from the Bloodsport team, and I hope they focus on that bot instead.

  • Ribbot

Remember that one Super Bowl where the Falcons blew a 28-3 lead? Yes, it was against the Patriots with Tom Brady, but still. In this scenario, Ribbot is the Atlanta Falcons. It KO’d all three of its regular season opponents, got the 2nd overall seed, and still lost in the first round. That’s a choke for the Battlebots history books. The Ribbot team is normally amazing at this, but one bad match can ruin a whole season. Very unfortunate end to what could’ve been an astounding season.

  • Riptide

Much like Blip, this rookie made it all the way to the quarterfinals. However, this thing has one main strategy and no second plan. That one strategy is to use that massive vertical eggbeater and do a ton of damage. While they have faced criticism for taking major design cues from a smaller bot they didn’t even build, it can’t be denied that this bot is stupidly powerful. They have top-notch potential, but they have to show that they can do this again.

  • Rotator

This bot has a reputation for doing damage, and it almost bested the eventual champion in the Round of 16. However, that didn’t happen, in no small part due to the team having issues with overconfidence. Their success in the past four seasons may warrant high confidence, but antagonizing the judges one year and getting in your own way the next isn’t worth it. Even with that limitation, though, Rotator’s future looks as bright as ever. At least, I hope that is the case.

  • Rusty

I love Rusty, and its win against Sporkinok last season was any novelty bot’s dream. But this season treated Rusty worse than a torn-up punching bag. It was obviously used as an easy win for Blip and Witch Doctor, making it so that the fan favorite status came back to haunt the bot. This was a sophomore slump, not helped by the fact that a new version of it couldn’t be finished in time for the season because of supply chain issues. Next season will be better though, I have to believe. The new version has about 20 different sponsors, and this bot is a one-man vision, so some success should return for this adorable machine. I hope for the show’s sake that it does.

  • SawBlaze

This thing is a menace. It made the semifinals this year for the first time, and was amazing in all but one fight before then. They got the 4th seed this year, and honestly should’ve been higher. They had an awesome year, and that hammer-saw weapon is devastating on a good day. They should have their heads up high, and know that they’ll have their championship sooner rather than later.

  • Shatter!

This bot, on the other hand, had a good regular season, and then a terrible Round of 32 matchup. Riptide owned its opponent, and last year’s breakout run seemed to fade into memory really quickly. They have a second bot called Emulsifier that will hopefully get accepted this next season, so that’s a good consolation prize.

  • Skorpios

This is another bot that had to make the tournament via a play-in match. However, in the Round of 32, it basically got ritually sacrificed to the defending champ. That’s not entirely accurate, but that fight was very one-sided in End Game’s favor. However, the 1-2 regular season record hid some impressive performances, especially a close loss against Yeti in particular. The sky’s the limit, but they have to get out of second gear first.

  • Slammo!

A revamp of a surprise Top 32 bot from last season, it suffered severe regression this season. It went 0-2 and didn’t get a third fight, but I hope there’s next year for this suplex machine.

  • SMEEEEEEEEEEEEE

This bot was certainly unique, with an approach meant to encircle opponents and attack their sides. This approach was heavily flawed, though, especially since the weapons on the sides did very little. It was only a matter of time before it got totaled, and Gigabyte did just that. Gone, but not forgotten.

  • SubZero

Hydra wasn’t the only flipper to suffer from major technical difficulties this year. In fact, SubZero had it even worse, and fell to an 0-3 record. I’ll give them a gold star for getting a third fight, at least.

  • Switchback

Another unique design, this one meant to move an 80 pound drum on an articulating arm to do damage. Never mind that this team were rookies, and this was an unprecedented design. It didn’t make the Round of 32 thanks to being decimated by HUGE!, but it got a win, so that’s always good for a rookie bot.

  • Tantrum

Well, this bot is full of surprises. Last year, it made a massive jump from being a punching bag to a semi-finalist, and then the captain built Blip. No big deal, Tantrum’s team is just under new management. And yet, that new management did even better than the man who built the thing, winning the Giant Nut against Witch Doctor. It does not have the most powerful weapon on the show, but it is nimble and well-driven, and even that weapon has decent power when needed. I hope Tantrum remains a star for years to come.

  • Tombstone

Why is Tombstone giving me post-suspension A-Rod vibes all of a sudden? I’ll tell you why. It’s a powerful bot with a storied past, but it is now on a steep decline. Two years ago, it was a semi-finalist. Now it is only able to barely make the tournament. It still hits hard, but everybody is prepared for it now, so the devastating hits don’t happen that much anymore. It used to be the best offensive bot in history, and now it’s reduced to just above average. The former “bad boy” of the show is now in desperate need of a facelift before it truly sinks out of bracket contention, and it’s already on the brink of that.

  • Triple Crown

It lost one fight to Valkyrie, and that was it. If I were to grade this bot, it would get a DNF or an I for incomplete. I won’t evaluate this one further for that reason.

  • Uppercut

This is a robot built around a devastatingly powerful vertical spinner. Unfortunately, it’s so powerful that stability in the drive just isn’t its friend. It’s got the strength to go far, but it needs better driving to ever get past the Round of 16. This is a boom or bust bot, as in it either KOs the opponent convincingly or just dies trying. Consistency is key for this team to realize this bot’s fullest, unlimited potential.

  • Valkyrie

Despite having one of the more viral fights of the year against Triple Crown, it still took a few steps down from last year’s run. This year was honestly likely a blip on the radar, and funnily enough, it lost to Blip in the Round of 32. This team just had a down year, and should be back stronger next year.

  • Whiplash

This bot also took a major step down from last year, going from runner-up last year to being eliminated in the Round of 16 by Cobalt. Sure, the decision gave folks metaphorical whiplash (Ha!), but it could’ve been worse. Just ask Minotaur.

  • Witch Doctor

Turns out this bot equaled what was thought to be its career year this season. It is now a two-time runner-up, and I know they will break through eventually. Or they could just break, like what happened last year. They will always be contenders, but hopefully they take it up another notch in the near future.

  • Yeti

Don’t call it a comeback, call it an extended break and redesign that wasn’t quite able to keep up with the top bots. It made the Round of 32, but it was matched up against Cobalt, the most destructive bot in the field. That didn’t go too well, needless to say, but the regular season was ok. Two wins after a couple of years away is good. Whether it was a farewell tour or a sign of things to come, Yeti’s year was pretty good overall.

And that is a review of all 60 2021 Battlebots contenders in the books. Thanks for reading/watching/listening/whatever, especially because I know this one was really quite long in length. Until next time, this is Up To Date With Ethan Callender.